52 Top Funniest Quotes by Bill Cosby

Amazing Bill Cosby Quotes

Bill Cosby is an American actor, stand up comedian, author, producer as well as activist. He has played a major role in the development of a more positive portrayal of African-Americans on television. Here are few of his popular and funny quotes listed below.

Bill Cosby Quotes

  1. “If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it.” - Bill Cosby
  2. “Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.” - Bill Cosby
  3. “Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.” - Bill Cosby
  4. “Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.” - Bill Cosby
  5. “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” - Bill Cosby
  6. “Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.” - Bill Cosby
  7. “You are a genius!… and I am a genius because I married you.” - Bill Cosby
  8. “Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.” - Bill Cosby
  9. “When you become senile, you won’t know it.” - Bill Cosby
  10. “I wasn’t always black… there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.” - Bill Cosby
  11. “Man cannot live by bread alone … he must have peanut butter.” - Bill Cosby
  12. “The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.” - Bill Cosby
  13. “Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.” - Bill Cosby
  14. “That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.” - Bill Cosby
  15. “Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.” - Bill Cosby
  16. “A word to the wise ain’t necessary - it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” - Bill Cosby
  17. “Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.” - Bill Cosby
  18. “You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.” - Bill Cosby
  19. “If you speak your mind and if it is true what you’re saying, then I think the integrity of what you’re saying carries through.” - Bill Cosby
  20. “Old is always fifteen years from now.” - Bill Cosby
  21. “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.” - Bill Cosby
  22. “In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” - Bill Cosby
  23. “The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.” - Bill Cosby
  24. “A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he’s in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.” - Bill Cosby
  25. “Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you’re telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.” - Bill Cosby
  26. “Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair… and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.” - Bill Cosby
  27. “Gray hair is God’s graffiti.” - Bill Cosby
  28. “Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.” - Bill Cosby
  29. “I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.” - Bill Cosby
  30. “Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.” - Bill Cosby
  31. “The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.” - Bill Cosby
  32. “As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by “survival of the fittest.”” - Bill Cosby
  33. “Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.” - Bill Cosby
  34. “You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.” - Bill Cosby
  35. “Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.” - Bill Cosby
  36. “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” - Bill Cosby
  37. “The weatherman is always right. It’s just his timing that’s off.” - Bill Cosby
  38. “Every father says the same thing: “Where’s your mother?”” - Bill Cosby
  39. “People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.” - Bill Cosby
  40. “No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.” - Bill Cosby
  41. “I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who’ve had luck with it and those who haven’t.” - Bill Cosby
  42. “Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.” - Bill Cosby
  43. “The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.” - Bill Cosby
  44. “Old is always fifteen years from now.” - Bill Cosby
  45. “Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.” - Bill Cosby
  46. “The worst thing to do is to die while reading Life magazine.” - Bill Cosby
  47. “My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn’t because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.” - Bill Cosby
  48. “It isn’t a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that’s beautiful.” - Bill Cosby
  49. “Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.” - Bill Cosby
  50. “The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.” - Bill Cosby
  51. “When you become senile, you won’t know it.” - Bill Cosby
  52. “Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.” - Bill Cosby

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